Who are the ancient ukry really? Ukry - the oldest Slavic tribe, the first ancestors of the Ukrainians? Destroying well-known theories and their oddities

The issue of the emergence and formation of the name of one of the major European nations, Ukrainians, haunts not only him, but also the Slavic environment, which is not indifferent to the assessments of the history of this people, whose lands are the ancestral home of the Slavs.

Historical fates Ukrainians, who after the times of Kievan Rus and the Volyn-Galician state, from the period of the XIV century, were territorially divided for a long time (the Grand Duchy of Lithuania, Poland, Hungary, the Muscovite kingdom), were not easy. However, the feeling of unity among the people was not lost. The foundations of this unity were laid long before the 14th century. Something very important stimulated part of the Slavs, from the Western Bug to the Don, from Pripyat to the Black Sea, to be called Ukrainians.

The attempts of the historians of the 19th century to explain the name of the people, the Ukrainians, as a derivative of the word outskirts, was only a fact of humiliation of the subject people, who, in essence, could not be “outlying” to themselves. Such an interpretation only angered the Ukrainian intelligentsia and laid the foundation for a broad search for the historical roots of the name.

Among other popular versions, one should recall the linkage of the origin of the word Ukraine from the concept of bordered (limited by something, surrounded, separated) and from the concept of edge (motherland, native land). The weakness of these versions is their tension, superficiality, because the indicated meanings are common to all Slavs and do not identify a separate people with something special. They are not a source of pride for this people.

IN Lately the version of the origin of the names Ukraine and Ukrainians from the concept of ukra, the name of some powerful and unknown to us ancient people, part of which eventually settled in the Baltic Pomerania, gained wide popularity. As proof of this, historical reports of German chroniclers and specific facts of the Baltic Pomeranian land of Ukrmark and the Slavic tribe of Ukrov, which are known in IX - XII centuries(in the city of Targelov, Germany, a museum of Slavic Ukrainians was opened). However, it is difficult to closely associate these Ukrainians with modern Ukrainians. It is not clear how the name of the Pomeranian ukrov could become the main one for the Central Slavic lands?

Regarding the existence of the mighty and ancient people of the Ukrainians, it is rather difficult to find a historical correspondence to it. As a rule, defenders of the version of its existence identify this people with the Indo-Europeans or Aryans. Hence the conclusions about the special exclusivity of this people, its historical longevity and primogeniture, which cause sharp criticism of opponents.

Why did the Slavic people, on whose lands Slavic formation began, call itself Ukrainian? Why didn't he leave his own previous name - Russ or Rosy?

And who are the ukry and how are they connected with the Slavs, Rus, the history of all of Europe?

The main mistake of all previous researchers of the problem of ukrov is their focus on the fact that ukry is necessarily a tribe or people. While, in our opinion, everything is much simpler. Ukry is a specific group of people, an ancient caste, the intellectual elite of an ancient society, carriers of high spiritual knowledge. These are naturally gifted people, people of ancient Vedic knowledge, people with extremely developed own energy (bioenergy), who are able to influence the people around them and the world. These are the carriers of a very ancient worldview that they carried for thousands of years (!) in the vast expanses of Eurasia.

In different epochs, in different places, in Persia, Babylonia, Sumer, Egypt, the Roman Empire, among the ancient Slavs, they were called in different ways: sages, prophets, Sons of God, fathers, elders, wise men, Ukrainians, prophets, messiahs.

It is the Slavic Magi who are those mysterious Ukrainians, people with an extremely ancient and extremely spiritual (Aryan) history. It was the Magi-Ukrs who created a powerful center of Slav formation on the lands of ancient Volhynia, initiating the process of spiritual growth (enlightenment) of the local peoples and gave the name to their students - the Rus (enlightened), as well as the Slavs (led by Mother Glory), and the Dulibs (united in a fist ).

The history of the Slavic Magi-Ukrs is both majestic and tragic. Since its appearance in Europe in the VI century BC. and before the start of the process of degradation of the educational system they created, the Magi-Ukry carried out a gigantic unifying work and created a Slavic center in the Volyn lands - the pan-Slavic state of Dulibiya Ros.

The decline of this state in the 8th and early 9th centuries is associated with the departure of the then ukrov sorcerers from the ideological foundations of the ancient teaching, built on the knowledge of the Universal law, which gave rise to the processes of pseudo-volkhvism and self-proclaimed volkhvism. But on the other hand, it was this decline that marked the beginning of state-building processes in various regions of the Slavic world. It was especially active along the borders of the Slavic world (the state of Samo, the Great Moravian state, Bulgaria, etc.).

The Magi, who, after the fall of Dulibiya Ros, at the beginning of the 9th century, moved to Novgorod on the Volkhov, did not actually control the situation, but fought as best they could for influence over the Slavic world. Having created Volkhv centers in the Baltic (Rügen Island, Pomorye) and in the Polovtsian lands (on the Ural River), they delayed their departure from the political arena, but could not do anything with Volkhv imposture and pseudo-Volkhvism.

Power in the newly created Slavic states was no longer Volkhvian, but purely princely. The struggle was lost, and paganism (a religion based on Volkhvism), which degraded in the period of the 6th - 9th centuries, was gradually replaced by other religions. Despite popular protests and individual outbreaks of priestly resistance, the struggle against the princely decisions did not give anything.

The history of the Magi-Ukrovs and the all-Slavic state of Dulibiya Ros created by them is described in the book of V. O. Demyanov and O. A. Andreev, published in two editions, with the title “The Greatness of Dulibiya Ros. Surenzh (Secrets of the Volyn land). It is in it that you will find factual material, maps, photographs, new definitions of well-known concepts.

As for the Ukrainians and their names, that people who in the 9th century lost their leaders, the Magi-Ukrovs, but who, in legends, fairy tales, myths, customs, traditions, preserved the memory of the ancient and once wise leaders, it was quite natural ( respecting the cult of ancestors) to this people to appear as their followers. Ukrainians are the heirs of the Magi-Ukrainians.

We see the last surge of ancient Vedic spirituality during the period of the liberation wars of the Ukrainian people of the 17th century, the period of the Cossacks and vigorous activity Cossacks-characterists, direct descendants of the priests-guards (dates) of the Volkhvian times. It was at this time that the final consolidation of the name of the people - Ukrainians and the name of the state - Ukraine took place.

The active struggle of princely power against degraded paganism, Mongol-Tatar rule, the loss of Vedic knowledge, the lack of worthy bearers of this knowledge, wars and time, did their job. From the historical memory of the people, the pages of ancient Slavic, Russian, and Volkhvian history have been erased. Only its fragments remained, mainly in culture, everyday life, folk rituals, and names.

The people that once was in the center of the Dulib state, the people divided into parts in the 14th century, the Slavic people, the people who first began to be called Russ-Roses, began to desperately fight for their self-preservation, and called themselves Ukrainians. He connected himself with the majestic and respected ancestors, those to whom he is grateful for his spiritual outburst, his rich culture, interesting traditions and past greatness.

Maybe we should get out of historical oblivion?

1. Demyanov V.O., Andreev A.A. - The greatness of Dulibiya Ros. Surenzh. (Secrets of the Volyn land). - Kyiv, 2006.

2. Demyanov V.O., Andreev A.A. - The greatness of Dulibiya Ros. Surenzh. - Kyiv, 2007.

Ukry and Ukrainians: forgotten history of ancestors

The historical fate of the Ukrainians, who after the times of Kievan Rus and the Volyn-Galician state, from the period of the XIV century, were territorially divided for a long time (the Grand Duchy of Lithuania, Poland, Hungary, the Muscovite kingdom), was not easy. However, the feeling of unity among the people was not lost. The foundations of this unity were laid long before the 14th century. Something very important stimulated part of the Slavs, from the Western Bug to the Don, from Pripyat to the Black Sea, to be called Ukrainians.

The attempts of the historians of the 19th century to explain the name of the people, the Ukrainians, as a derivative of the word "outskirts", was only a fact of humiliation of the subordinate people, who, in essence, could not be "outlying" to themselves. Such an interpretation only angered the Ukrainian intelligentsia and laid the foundation for a broad search for the historical roots of the name.

Among other popular versions, one should recall the linkage of the origin of the word Ukraine from the concept of “marginal” (limited by something, surrounded, separated) and from the concept of “land” (motherland, native land). The weakness of these versions is their tension, superficiality, because the indicated meanings are common to all Slavs and do not identify a separate people with something special. They are not a source of pride for this people.

Recently, the version of the origin of the names Ukraine and Ukrainians from the concept of ukra, the name of some powerful and unknown to us ancient people, part of which eventually settled in the Baltic Pomerania, has gained wide popularity. As proof of this, the historical reports of German chroniclers and specific facts of the existence of the Baltic Pomeranian land of Ukrmark and the Slavic tribe of Ukrov, which are known in the 9th - 12th centuries, are given. In the city of Targelov, Germany, a museum of Slavic-Ukrainians has been opened (http://orei.livejournal.com/126811.html).

However, it is difficult to closely associate these Ukrainians with modern Ukrainians. It is not clear how the name of the Pomeranian ukrov could become the main one for the Central Slavic lands?

Regarding the existence of some mighty and ancient people of the Ukrainians, it has not yet been possible to find a historical correspondence to it. As a rule, defenders of the version of its existence identify this people with the Indo-Europeans or Aryans. Hence the conclusions about the special exclusivity of this people, its historical longevity and primogeniture, which cause sharp criticism of opponents.

Why did the Slavic people, whose lands became the center of European Slavic formation, call themselves Ukrainian? Why did he not leave his own previous name - dews or ruses?

And who are the ukry and how are they connected with the Slavs, Ross-Rus, the history of all of Europe?

The main mistake of all previous researchers of the problem of ukrov is their focus on the fact that ukry is necessarily a tribe or people. In our opinion, everything is much simpler.

Ukry is a specific group of people, an ancient caste, the intellectual elite of an ancient society, carriers of high spiritual knowledge. These are people gifted from God, people of ancient spiritual Knowledge, people with extremely developed own energy (bioenergy), who are able to influence the people around them and the world. These are the carriers of a very ancient spiritual worldview that they have been spreading for thousands of years in the vast expanses of Eurasia!

In different eras, in different places, in Persia, Babylonia, Sumer, Egypt, the Roman Empire, among the ancient Slavs, they were called in different ways: sages, prophets, Sons of God, fathers, elders, prophets, sorcerers (sorcerers-ukrami).

It is the wise men, spiritual teachers (Ukr - “strong spiritual mind”), who are those mysterious Ukrainians, people with an extremely ancient and extremely spiritual (Aryan) history. It was the Magi-Ukrs who created a powerful center of Slavic formation on the lands of ancient Volyn, initiating the process of spiritual growth (enlightenment) of the local peoples and gave their students the name - dew (enlightened), as well as the Slavs (spiritually raised by Mother Glory), and dulibs (straight-going spiritual path).

The history of the Magi-ukrov is both majestic and tragic. From the period of its appearance in Europe in the VI century. BC. and by the beginning of the active war of ideological opponents against the enlightenment system they created, the Magi-Ukry carried out a gigantic unifying work and built a Slavic-forming center in the Volyn lands - the all-Slavic state of Dulibiya Ros.

Problems of this state in the VIII - early IX century. associated with the deployment of a massive ideological and armed struggle against this state on the part of the tops of the dominant empires in Europe, dependent on worldview ideological movements hostile to Volkhism. The offensive was carried out from all possible directions: from the south - through the Black Sea region and further along the Dnieper and Dniester; from the east - through the Caucasus and the Volga region; from the west - through the Baltic and further along the Neman and the Dnieper. Military campaigns, propaganda missionary work of foreign merchants and merchants who spread the idea of separating individual Slavic territories, bribing power-hungry people to create their own local authorities controlled by these empires (on the example of the Kyiv Khaganate of the times of Askold and Dir) - gained momentum.

A part of the Russian "elites" in the capitals of the Russian provinces and on the periphery of the state was seized by a hostile worldview influence. They actively initiated wars with Ros and, with the support of enemies, organized campaigns against its capital, Surenzh-Arta. This happened in 805 AD.

The story about the history of the Magi-Ukrs and the all-Slavic state of Dulibiya Ros created by them is described in the book by V. A. Demyanov and A. A. Andreev, published in two editions, entitled “The Greatness of Dulibiya Ros. Surenzh (Secrets of the Volyn land)"..

An attempt to fight the Rossky state with various enemies was not only military campaigns against enemy centers in the south, west and east, but also actions to create new spiritual Volkhv centers. Affiliated Volkhvovskie centers were founded in the III century. BC. on the Volkhov River and in the Baltics. Much later, in the IX century. AD, two more similar ones were created in the Baltic Pomerania (Royan-Rügen Island), and in the Southern Urals (Porusia-Elania). It was then, in the 9th century, with the arrival of the Magi-Ukrovs on the island of Royan-Rügen, that military detachments of the Volkhvo center settled on the coast and an external defense system of the island was created. The life of this system and its settlements is currently covered in the museum of the city of Targelov (Germany).

However, the work of such centers can hardly be called completely successful, because starting from the XII century. AD they weaken their activity, and their inhabitants, under the pressure of circumstances, change their place of residence.

Most of the lands where ideological ideas hostile to volkhism influenced the state of society were eventually dissociated from the Russian center. Territorially in the IX century AD. this center has been preserved within the lands that historians now call the Great Volhynia, and the Arab researcher of the 10th century Al-Masudi called the land of the indigenous and dominant Slavic people - "volinan" (http://rivne-surenzh.com..

This territory, which was a powerful ideological and ideological center of the Magi, was then called Ros, the land of Trojan, Ukraine (the land of the Magi-Ukrainians). She was inhabited a large number convinced dews. Its population was the main source of the Russian worldview in Europe in the 9th-11th centuries, and further, in the period of the 12th-16th centuries. AD It was here that the true Russian educational idea was cherished, which dominated the local educational institutions, academy and later spread through printing.

It became an ideological school for those who created the Zaporizhzhya Sich - the center of the Roskolan-Ruskolan Cossacks. It is known that the first registers of Cossacks in Zaporozhye were exclusively Volyn. Volyn were the first leaders of the Sich, who carried out the will of the Magi-Ukrs, and the symbolism (Volyn cross), which is now called Cossack (http://site/ru/additional/maps/63).

Volyn Magi of the 16th century AD nurtured the idea of recreating a strong and vast Russian state in all its grandeur (like Dulibiya Ros), a spiritual state, if possible in a wide range and with a new Volkhvo name - Ukraine. It was this idea that gave impetus to the liberation war of the Ukrainian people in the 17th century. and stimulated craving for strong statehood.

Regarding the Russian people, who on the lands of Dulibia Ros from the VIII-IX centuries. experienced significant external ideological and ideological pressure, dismemberment of territories, physical extermination, but thanks to spiritual leaders, until the 16th century, he retained and developed his ancient language, culture that existed in legends, fairy tales, myths, customs, traditions, the cult of ancestors, then the great desire of the dews in the 16th-17th centuries will not be strange. be called followers of their spiritual leaders, ukrov wise men.

Ukrainians are the descendants of the Magi-Ukrainians!

A majestic surge of spirituality manifested itself during the period of the liberation wars of the Ukrainian people of the 17th century, during the period of the Cossacks and the active work of the Cossacks-characterists, descendants of the dates, defenders of the spiritual knowledge of the Volkhvian times, called warriors of the spirit. During this period, the final consolidation of the name of the people, Ukrainians, and the name of the Russian state - Ukraine.

However, constant wars with an unfriendly environment, repressions, extermination of spiritual leaders, betrayal of the soulless part of the “elite”, liquidation of the Ukrainian state itself, deliberate destruction of the knowledge and testaments of ancestors in the 18th-20th centuries AD, did their job. Over the centuries, the majestic pages of the old Volkhv, Ros, Dulib history have been erased from the historical memory of the Ukrainian, Rosky people, leaving only fragments of it, mainly in culture, life, folk rituals, and names.

This spiritual and historical devastation must necessarily be filled with truthful knowledge about the ancestors and their deeds.

This spiritual and historical devastation still prevents us from understanding why the people who once occupied the center of the Dulib state, who were the first to call themselves Russ-Rus, who for thousands of years were devoted to the ideas of Volkhvism, enlightenment, the height of spiritual knowledge, at a crucial historical moment, desperately fighting for their spiritual self-preservation and the preservation of the spiritual heritage of the Ross, began to be called the followers of the Rosky Magi-Ukrainians - Ukrainians.

Maybe it's time to get out of historical oblivion?

1. Demyanov V.O., Andreev A.A. - The greatness of Dulibiya Ros. Surenzh. (Secrets of the Volyn land). - Kyiv, 2006.

2. Demyanov V.O., Andreev A.A. - The greatness of Dulibiya Ros. Surenzh. - Kyiv, 2007.

Ukry is the oldest Slavic tribe, the first ancestors of Ukrainians, or even all Slavs in general.

historical reality

Ukry (ukrany, ukryane, vukrany) is a Slavic tribe (union of tribes?), who lived on the territory of modern Germany and has nothing to do with Ukrainian history.

"Ancient Ukrainians" are the object of numerous pseudo-patriotic insinuations, presenting them as "first Ukrainians". At the same time, the “degree of antiquity” of ukrov is a variable value: from the beginning of the Middle Ages close to historical realities to the absolutely fantastic Stone Age. Unfortunately, in the media (first of all, on the Internet, as well as in television space), the research of domestic champions of "folk history" is very often presented as the point of view of the Ukrainian historical science. The latter is in no way true: the vision of the “Ukrainian issue” by Ukrainian researchers does not differ at all from that in European historiography (see:).

Historically reliable Ukrainians (Uchri), they are also Ukrainians / Vukrans / Ukrainians (Ucrani, Vucrani) - a Slavic tribe (a union of tribes?), inhabiting the basin of the river Ucker / Uecker (German: Ucker / Uecker) in the interfluve of the Oder and Elbe. It is assumed that the ethnonym "ukrane" is derived from the name of the river (cf. "buzhane", "strumyane"). The name of the river (in the Slavic pronunciation "Ukra", modern Polish. Wkra), most researchers derive from the Slavic term vikru "fast".

The main references to ukrov / ukran in the sources are associated with the events of the 10th century., namely, with the expansion of German rulers (first of all, the margraves of the Saxon mark) to the lands of the Western Slavs. The opinion found in the literature that the Ukrainians lived on the banks of the Uker almost from the 6th century BC. AD has no good reason. This hypothesis is based solely on the earliest archaeological date of settlement in the region of the Slavs (bearers of the Sukovo-Dziedzitsa archaeological culture). However, there is no information about ukrans not only for the 6th century, but also for later periods. It is significant enough, for example, that the ukran does not know the so-called. "Bavarian geographer" of the second half of the IX century.

"Conquest" of the Slavs of the Elbo-Oder interfluve in the 10th century. was fairly nominal. These lands during the XI - early XII centuries. were the subject of territorial disputes between the Holy Roman Empire and the Kingdom of Poland, and the population of these areas remained sufficiently independent. The turning point in the history of the region was the so-called. Crusade against the Slavs in 1147. It was after him that the active agrarian colonization of the region by German settlers began, and the missionary activity of the Catholic clergy among the Slavs also intensified.

The result of these processes was a fairly rapid assimilation of the Slavic population. It is significant that the sources of the second half of the 12th - 13th centuries. Slavic tribal names are practically not mentioned anymore. As "relics" they are preserved mainly in toponymy. In particular, a certain “terra ukera” appears among the toponyms. However, it is worth noting that the late medieval and modern toponyms (Uckerland, Uckermark) mean not so much "the lands of ukrov / ukran" as "the lands around the Uker / Ikker" (rivers).

In conclusion, it remains only to make a few remarks about the hypotheses regarding the possible relationship of the medieval population of the territory of Ukraine and the Ukrainians. The historical roots of Ukrainians are connected with the territory of Ukraine (or rather, its northern part) exactly to the extent that everyone, without exception, is connected with a rather conditional "ancestral home" Slavic peoples both disappeared and still in existence today.

The assumptions about resettlement in the 11th-12th centuries also have very shaky ground. stolen under the onslaught of the German conquerors within the boundaries of modern Ukraine, found in near-historical literature. There is simply no historical evidence for this. Archaeological material, however, really allows us to raise the question of the existence of some kind of connection between the population of Southern Rus' and the Elbo-Oder interfluve. However, the nature of this material is rather unambiguous: we are talking about trade and exchange relations, it is possible - about the resettlement of small groups of the population (individual families / clans), but by no means about large-scale migration.

Satirical image of the myth about the ancient Ukrainians digging the Black Sea

Thus, Ukrainians seem to be quite clearly localized in space and time, a phenomenon that has practically nothing to do with the territory of modern Ukraine, and even more so with the ethnogenesis of Ukrainians. All kinds of fantasies about "ancient Ukrainians" remain on the conscience of their authors, as well as on the conscience of the "objective critics" of these anti-scientific nonsense, which wittingly or unwittingly contribute to their - nonsense - popularization.

See also the refutation of Russian propaganda about ukrov on the website

UkryIsus, Roentgen and Sai-Baba are the true representatives of our nation. ~ Igor Slisarenko, “News, Fifth Channel” Material from AbsurdopediaUkraine is the oldest race on Earth. They existed long before the emergence of Homo sapiens. Origin of Ukrov The oldest Ukrainians lived on the coast of the independent Hyperborean ocean 140,000 million years ago in the form of trilobites. Then, in the Khrenozoic era, they mined lard from dinosaurs, hunted prehistoric Muscovites, and worshiped Cthulhu. All living creatures of the horseradish, as you know, petrified from horseradish, and ukry produced "cobs of human life" in the form of stocks of lard with horseradish. With the onset of the Ice Age, the Ukrainians were forced to invent bicycles (since that time, no one has invented a bicycle) and migrate to the south, while independent tribes broke away from a single people: Ugrians, Ogres, Negroes, Obry (successfully extinct), Orcs, Urks, Turks, stoners and other Indo-Europeans. In fact, from what time did monkeys originate, which in fact never became human beings. The real ancient Ukrainians consolidated like united Ukrainians and organized the Tripoli culture (between Kiev and Zhmerynka) and Atlantis (not far from Vinnitsa). But they were forced out of Atlantis by the wild barbarian tribes of the Atlanderthals, so the Ukrainians decided to flood their historical homeland. Unfortunately, a forgivable unfortunate mistake crept into the project of flooding, developed by stunned Ukrainian scientists, and instead of the selective flooding of Atlantis, the All-World's Resurrection happened. But the priests of ukrov appealed to Cthulhu, and he sighed excess water and Atlantis. Thus, the Trypillia culture remained the only stronghold of Ukrainian studies in the hostile Muscovite atmosphere. The latest archaeological and geodetic studies unequivocally show that the Atlanteans (descendants of the Ancient Ukrov), foreseeing the invasion of less ancient Muscovites, for ~ 1200 million years harvested amoeba fat, ciliates of shoes and protozoa crustaceans (the latter are the ancestors of the ancient Muscovites, which can be seen from the root “RA” (see the historian M. Zadornov). Then they sank to the bottom of the Atlantic along with the produced product. forces to produce shale gas (eating not yet petrified fat). Now it is known for certain that it was the descendants of the Ancient Ukrovs (Atlanteans) who Cthulhu was poisoned with dill and walled up in shale. Sex education of children with developmental delays "Kama Sutra" in the original was called "To whom in the morning, and to whom in the evening", following a playful Ukrainian proverb. Instead, the Ukrainians founded Troy and for 10 years kept it under pressure from the many times superior forces of the Achaeans. And again, the active influence of highly developed ukrov is clearly visible, which incredibly enriched cultural heritage Greeks. Myths about the hero-martyr Prometeyenko, who took gas from the Muscovite gods-oligarchs, bringing a blue flame to every family; the adventures of Odysseenko, who, upon returning home, founded the glorious settlement of Odessa; about Yasonka, who obtained from the local Indians of the Sahaki-Shvili tribe a sacred fur coat with golden tsatsuli, about the exploits of Persenyuk, who overcame all the evil spirits of the Muscovites with a combat hopak in fluttering trousers; and, finally, about how the glorious young man Parisius stole the blond girl Elena from the Russian-Hellenic Union, which terribly angered the Spartan-Mycenaean Muscovites Menelaev and Agamemnov. And then the ukry-Trojans, led by the Cossack Eneyko, founded Ancient Rome in which the Colosseum was built. In the arena of the Colosseum, Ukrainians organized feeding of tigers and lions by Muscovites, Poles and Jews. Thus, the circus and theater were invented by the Ukrainians. The poem of the great Ukrainian poet Vergilenko is dedicated to these events: Yenei buv motorny lad I lad, hot kudi Cossack, Having succumbed to all the evil of the agile, Zavyatishiy ode to all barge haulers. Further civilization and Khokhlovization of the ancient people According to the Ukrainian chronicles, the main food of the ancient ukrovs was dill - a magical plant that had the same effect on ukrov that spinach had on the sailor Popeye, a magic potion - on Asterix and his homies, and the Force - on the Jedi. Having eaten dill, ukry became invincible in battle. Therefore, the cunning Tatar-Mongols, before attacking the ukrov, by genetic engineering methods deprived the dill of its life-giving force. Thus, Kyiv was destroyed in 1240 (according to some sources, it was Rome in 340). The area around Kyiv (or Rome) was completely deserted. When Varangian merchants arrived there a few years later, they were surprised to see a newly rebuilt city with a population speaking an unknown language. "Who you are?" - asked the Varangians. "Mi Ukrainians - descendants of Ukrainians!" - was a proud answer. After that, the Varangian guests carefully asked where, in fact, the ukry had gone? To which the Khokhols explained in the same strange language that they were “invisible”. There were Tatars, there were Mongols, there were Poles, there were Russians even more often. As a result, we appeared - crests and live here from time immemorial. The Varangians were very surprised, but kept silent. This is how the civilization of the ukrovs and their great culture was transformed. Now the descendants of the ukrovs live in the arbitrarily occupied territory - VGN (Temporary state misunderstanding). In general, for the first time the word crest was used in Rasei: Khokhol is a village in the Voronezh province, Nizhnedevitsky district, 30 miles from the county town, near the rivers X. and Devitsa. There are 8910 inhabitants. It has existed since the 17th century (it arose in 1665) and got its name from the Khokhol River. According to legend, the first settlers built their houses near an oak tree, which had a spreading crown, similar to a bird's crest. According to another version, the term "Khohol" came from nomads and means "blue-yellow". Both versions of the origin of the village are reflected on the flag of Khokholsky municipal district. Blue is a symbol of honor, glory, devotion, truth, beauty of nature, virtue and clear skies. Yellow(gold) - a symbol of strength, greatness, harvest, abundance, intelligence, generosity. The descendants of the Ukrainians did not invent and took two colors as the national flag - blue and yellow. They even wanted to depict an oak on the flag, the grains of which are so loved by animals highly revered by them, but since oaks do not grow on their land, and their fruits are imported from the Commonwealth countries, they decided not to use the emblem for the time being. Religion ukrov Initially, Cthulhu himself was considered the main deity, or rather his avatar, revered under the name of Batko Taras, from whose seed, according to legend, released into a monkey, the first ukry (Chub and Shrek) went. The idols of Old Taras are found everywhere in the dwellings and temples of ukrov, bloody sacrifices are made to him in the form of Jewish and Muscovite babies, from which ukry melt lard, eat half, and smear the other on the tentacles of the idol (they are disguised as a magnificent mustache) of Old Taras. Cthulhu strictly forbids their fans to worship other idols, so jealous ukry-Cthulhu worshipers constantly dump and destroy the statues of all sorts of other people's idols, like the Moskal idol of Lenin, and put statues of Cthulhu on the vacated pedestals. But sometimes it is enough for them to simply break off the beard of the statue of Lenin, and stick tentacles to its mouth (as mentioned above, disguised as the long mustache of Old Man Taras) and stick a forelock to the top of the head, thus turning the idol of Lenin into the idol of Cthulhu / Taras. From of an ancient legend: And the Great Cthulhu stole said: I will stretch out My powerful hand over you, and you will become My chosen people, and I will not cherish any of you, but only the chosen ones I will cherish. we will worship You forever, and as a sign of this worship we ourselves will cherish everything that we can. And what we can’t zohavat - we bite into Your glory! lesser deities The second most important deity among the Ukrainians is Jesus Christ, who, according to the Ukrainians, was himself a Ukrainian. The Ukrainians have various currents of worshipers of this deity, who always argue about who glorifies Him more correctly, and sometimes they even squeeze temples dedicated to Him from each other. The third deity, more precisely, the anti-god, the god of Evil, is a certain Puu -Tin. This deity is to blame for absolutely everything bad that happens in the life of every Ukrainian. It is he who sends mosquitoes to ukrov in summer, and frost in winter. Puu-Tin lives in Mordor, in the Red Fortress behind high battlements, and the towers of that fortress are crowned with five-pointed stars painted with the blood of ukrov. Ukry are afraid to call the name of Puu-Tin out loud, so as not to accidentally call on his green demon servants, so they come up with various roundabout names for him, often obscene - many ukry believe that the mat frightens Puu-Tin and his servants. With the right hand of the god of evil Puu- Tin is the deity Ku-zhu-get, directly commanding the green demons. His army is innumerable, and the warriors can be invisible to the eye of a simple ukr! Only the high priests of the SBU can discern their true number and defend ordinary ukrov from them ... According to the statements of the High Ukrov priests, “porobleno” and “vrikla” are also all the machinations of invisible green demons! The third most important behind the anti-god Puu-Tin is his left the hand of Millerr is a deity who commands the gas that originates in the pipes, from where the ukry, in the sweat of their brow, extract it from time immemorial! At the request of this deity, the gas either disappears or reappears in the places of its extraction! Muscovites Muscovites-natural enemies ukrov. Muscovites at a meeting with the Ukrainians silently grinned, which caused the legitimate fury of the Ukrainians. Hence the word “moskal” itself. balalaika accordion Moskal gorilka red caviar hoof horns do not jump (do not jump) Khrushchevka They eat vodka, kvass, cabbage soup, which slurp bast shoes, and lard, which they steal from ukrov. Ukrainian language. They are extremely dangerous, but during periods of exacerbation of independence, they also begin to cluster, forming numerous herds (the so-called “Russian minced meat”) and can pose a threat to native fat deposits. The history of relations with Muscovites goes back many tens of millennia. When Homo sapiens emigrated from Nigeria, one group went to China through southern India, the other went through Central Asia, through Altai to Mongolia. And the third group, the most cunning and insidious, went to Europe through the territory of Turkey. Ukry tried to courageously defend themselves from these ancestors of Muscovites by strengthening the border. So a protective ditch was dug. This protective ditch was dug and deepened for many millennia, using the draft power of dinosaurs and mammoths. The earth from the ditch was taken away to the areas called "Caucasus" and "Alps". But there were more and more damned Muscovites, and it was necessary to dig a channel to the sea in order to fill the dug ditch with water from the Mediterranean Sea and drown the Muscovites that had broken through. This is how the Great Flood was organized, and this is how the Black Sea appeared. You can still find ditches along the border of Ukrainians and Muscovites. Once, Paul Bonapartenko went to the Muscovites to arrange a Maidan there and burn Moscow. But the locals staged an anti-Maidan and burned down Moscow themselves.Important facts about Ukrov Dead bjoly ne buzz (they buzz, but quietly, quietly ...) ~ Kartata potata about the native anthem Symbols of civilization ukrov A trident, on 1 tooth of which there is a piece of fat, on the other - a Cossack (Cossacks - the same ukry, only looser) forelock, and on the third - a fist threatening Muscovites. This symbol was invented by the Leader of the ukrov with an obscene name, which the ukry, due to innate modesty, called Kiy. And also heifer cows with a very large udder, which are traditionally stolen by Muscovites. Language A well-known English language derived from the Ukrainian language. So, for example, "moskal" in English will also be "moskal". And since the Ukrainians are much older than the English, the Ukrainian word "Moskal" is much older than English. Ukrov traditions At the beginning of each year, quarrel with the Muscovites because they put up border cordons on the migration routes of animals with the Latin name trubus gazpromus, the subcutaneous fat of which the Ukrainians use to heat their homes. Also, the Ukrainians like to ride every few years with all the people. From this they drop fat, which, according to tradition, is blamed on the cunning Muscovites, who do not jump and do not drop anything except the ruble. And on the opposite side of the Earth from the nationwide races of ukrov - in all sorts of Japan, Indonesia and the Kuriles - terrible earthquakes occur as a shock effect. Now few people remember the great ukra Vavila. Vavila built himself a hut, a hut. And so he was not married, because Eve was with Adam and the Serpent, then there was no one to take out the garbage and manure from cattle and from the hut. Well, it was easier to raise the roof of the hut. Here Vavila raised the roof, raised it, and the result was the Babylonian, that is, the Babel tower. From above, it was good for Muscovites to look out and scold them in Ukrainian language for the whole universe. At that time, the Greek Hercules was walking past, he marveled at such a non-European way of life, and somehow he freed the stable of Vavila from manure. Because the cattle felt sorry. And take the whole tower and fall apart. Then Ukr Vavila told Hercules what he thought of him. And it became clear to God that it was impossible for Hercules to know what Ukr Vavila was talking to him about, and since then they have been talking in different languages. And the clay ruins of the Babel Tower - the hut of the hut - are still standing. Gods and heroes ukrovNamed cue. Mykola Svinoherd, the first to understand that pigs are not predatory animals, and tamed them with the help of Dale Carnegie's books. Brothers Chub and Shrek from which it originated great people ukrov, and without the intervention of females. Famous Ukrainians in history Napoleon Bonapartenko Julius Tsezaryuk Petro Pervenko-Romanchuk (cut the window for joining the European Union) Akira Kurosavenko Giacomo Kazanovich Otto Bismarchuk Adolf Gitlyarchuk Ruryuk (founded Kievan Rus) Jesus Khristenko Robot Policeman Petro Chaykovchenko Nelson Mandalenko Sylvester Stalonchenko Arnold Schwarzenegeruk Fyodor Dostoevchenko Sashko (Alex andr) Garmatny ( Pushkin) Mikhas Lermontovchuk Zhanclod Vandamenko Darth Veyderyuk Oleshko Makendyuk-Velichenko Dzeko Channenko Ukrov discoveries The wheel - the Ukrainians invented it first 20,000 years ago (they invented the bicycle much earlier). Even in ancient times, they wanted to twirl on it. A tame camel was the first in the world to be tamed by the Ukrainians 60 million years ago, when the number of tame dinosaurs was sharply reduced. Apple raiding - invented immediately after the creation of the world. It is expressed in the fact that ukry bite apples so that others do not get it. The problem "Who is to blame" was solved by the Ukrainians 500 years ago in favor of the Muscovites. The independent constitution "chameleon" - was invented in 2004-2007 by a dichlorvos man. Fuel "liquefied gas" and the technology of its production. The martial arts of karate and kung fu also appeared thanks to the ukrams, because they were based on the ancient martial dance of the fighting ukrovs "hopak", and subsequently the Shaolin monks long time they came to Lviv, Zhytomyr and Zhmerinka for training and retraining for the ancient Ukrainians to improve their skills. The ancient Egyptian pyramids also appeared thanks to the ancient Ukrainians, and Cleopatra came for an internship with the Ukrainians, who taught her to build pyramids and cook borscht. Questions for self-examination of learned material: Vіd whom as a result of evolution, vіdbulis obizyani? Why can't anyone find Atlantis, if its location is approximately known (near the smoking area...)? Who was the first to bring Cthulhuism to weakly developed peoples? Since what time has the population of tame dinosaurs decreased in the square? What was the original govirka used by the first trilobites and hamster-cosaurs? How did the native Muscovite atmosphere influence the production of lard in the Trypillia culture? Why do villains speak Russian in all Ukrainian cartoons?